Disapointment is a very interesting thing. It causes some people to go after something harder while others it makes them cower in a corner. I’m someone who shoves disapointment down into the deepest part of my being and I don’t allow myself to think about it.
Three years ago, I was a senior in high school. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to go to college right after high school. I was to take a year off and do some type of missions. Through a series of events the Lord directed me to Ethiopia. (It’s actually a pretty cool story… even involving me writing my senior research paper on the country) After doing a lot of research about different mission agencies I realized that YWAM had a DTS (discipleship training school) in Ethiopia. A DTS basically consists of 5 months- 2 months training and 3 months outreach. Potential outreach locations included Eritrea, Somalia and Sudan- which really excited me. A couple from my church were missionaries in Ethiopia for over twenty years and I was planning to hook up with some contacts they had there to extend my stay from 5 months to something more like a year. I had it all planned.
Then, three days before I graduated high school, I received an email saying that they weren’t accepting any international students for that year.
Needless to say, I sat there looking at the computer screen with tears streaming down my face. Everything that I had planned was all the sudden not going to happen from one sentence.
I thought something died that day in me. Notice the word thought.
For many years missions was something that I thought I would do, when YWAM fell through my life took a completely different turn from what I thought it would look like- I still lived at home and I began working a job.
Only until recently at a conference, when I was sitting in the back of the sanctuary, tears streaming down my face once again, did I allow myself to go that place in my heart where I had stuffed all of my passion and affection for missions. It was actually more like they came rushing to the surface and I couldn’t help but notice them.
It’s still there. Alive and well. I still want to go.
Somewhere in my thinking I assumed that since things with YWAM didn’t work out for me that I was wrong. I shoudn’t do missions. There is some truth in that. However, it’s not that I shouldn’t do missions ever- it was just that the Lord knew that I had to be here at that specific time and not in Africa.
So I pose a question to you. What’s been buried that the Lord wants to uncover? Find it. And begin to live the life God’s created you to live.